


Sweet Like Honey

by OceanShay



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, alcohol cw, and i really liked it, and i wrote this thing a few months back for a challenge, character introspection, i hc tommy as aromantic, so here it is, the gdoc i have this in is called peaky b(ee)linders lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:19:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanShay/pseuds/OceanShay
Summary: I love my aromantic headcanons and I wrote this piece about one of them. This is not a fluffy piece by any means, despite what the title might lead you to believe, but it's a very personal work for myself and I felt like it needed to be shared.





	Sweet Like Honey

_ Sweet like honey _

_ Stings like a bee _

Tommy sat hunched over the bar, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. It had been a few weeks since Grace had left and the war with Billy Kimber had been fought and won. Danny had been buried in his grave on the hill. It had been one of his few free days now, since he opened his race track legally. His brothers had told him he needed a day off, and Tommy wasn’t in the mood to fight them. 

He had kept the letter he wrote to Grace, deciding it was better to serve as a reminder of what once was. What could have been. Tommy wasn’t really sure what his feelings towards Grace were. His family said it was love, but what he felt wasn’t anything like what Polly had told him he should feel when he’s in love. It felt calm around Grace, not frantic or nervous energy building in the air, at least to him. Sometimes he could sense the energy from Grace, but he thought it was just from her upbringing. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe she felt love.

_ Sweet like honey _

Regardless of what Tommy felt for her, strong, positive feelings ultimately, there was nothing he could do now but drink and forget. Drink to forget the betrayal, the sex, the smoothness of her skin. Drink to forget all the fleeting moments he had with her. Drink to forget whatever emotion he felt in those moments, lust, love maybe, the sense of camaraderie. But even now, half drunk and alone, there was something floating around his head, nudging him to think further. 

He took another swig of the whiskey. He wasn’t sure what bottle he was on or if he really cared. He wanted to forget, even for a moment, that he had felt anything for her at all. Maybe he would be able to go back to the way things were before he met her, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Meeting Grace had changed something inside Tommy. Something stirred inside of him when he was around her. He wanted to run his hands over her skin, gentle yet hungry, letting her explore his body the same way. He wanted to sit in silence with her, letting their feelings out but not talking. He wanted to pretend he wasn’t who he was, wasn’t a broken war veteran who woke up every night screaming in terror for even one more minute around her, but he couldn’t anymore. 

Tommy wanted nothing more than to feel normal for once. He had never expressed an interest in romance and marriage as a child. Even before France, when he laughed and smiled easily, he had never felt like he wanted that. He wanted to surround himself with people he trusted with his heart, people he could confide in about this, and other issues. People who wouldn’t judge him for anything. He thought Grace could be one of those people, even though that dream had been dashed long ago. 

There were moments that Tommy didn’t want to forget with her, despite her turning traitor. Grace had been a light in the pub from the moment he had first heard her sing. Her voice carried him away, and she was the reason he finally allowed singing back in the pub. He knew that she was going to something more, maybe move on from the pub when she got a lucky break, or she got bored of working it. He didn’t want her to feel anchored to the pub when she decided to leave, but he wanted her to leave on better terms. Sometimes still, despite everything that had happened, if he was alone at the Garrison, he could hear the echoes of her voice ringing around him. Smooth and sweet, like honey. 

_ Stings like a bee _

She said she loved him, and he said it back, but he wasn’t sure he meant it. The words felt heavy in his mouth when he said them, like it was a burden to even think of saying it. Did he really love her? Tommy hadn’t grown up with good role models in terms of love. His father wasn’t a good man to look to for anything, and his mother seemed distant most days. Polly had also grown quite distant for a while after her children were taken away. Perhaps, he thought, that even if he had seen good love growing up, he wouldn’t be experiencing it today. 

Perhaps, he would have thrown himself into a loveless marriage long ago. John had fallen in love young, had several children with her, and grieved painfully after she died. Arthur, while also unmarried, had a few flings with women, even having seriously contemplated marriage with some of them before. Ada had found Freddy despite Tommy’s warnings, and Finn was too young to be involved in the world of romance and love. 

Tommy couldn’t relate to what his siblings felt in their lives. Sure, he had some one night stands with women, and men, if he wanted to be honest, but he had never felt a deeper connection with anyone outside his family. There was always an unspoken word between him and his lovers, and it had always kept him distant from them. He wouldn’t allow himself to form a bond with whoever he slept with, but he wasn’t sure he could even if he wanted to. Was Grace different, or did she just look past his reputation and his cold exterior? 

Regardless of how he believed that Grace felt about him, there was no doubt that he felt something for her, but not love. Recent events had filled his heart with regret, sadness, and heartbreak. Grace had been a source of comfort, he was able to forget his worries in her perfume, her skin, her hair,  _ her _ , as they made love, and even afterwards. She was able to calm his heart before, keep his brain from reaching back into the trenches of France. 

And now she was gone. He should have seen it coming, but he got carried away with her. Tommy had let his guard down and actually made a friend outside of the family, and it had resulted in Danny’s death and Tommy’s heartbreak. That was his lesson. 

“Don’t open your heart up Tommy,” he mumbled to himself, swirling the whiskey bottle around in front of him. “You will pay for it.” 

_ Sweet like honey  _

_ Poisonous like love  _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this all the way through! I really hope you enjoyed reading this, and I'd love to hear some opinions on it, especially since I know aromantic headcanons aren't super popular. I want to know what you guys think of it. And also don't forget to leave kudos and comments on your favorite works! Support your favorite authors!


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